


Leitner's Unpublished Spider-Man

by honorarycassowary



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack Fic, Gen, Jonny Sims' List of Season Two Ideas, Missing Scene, Season 2, Spider-Man References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22886638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honorarycassowary/pseuds/honorarycassowary
Summary: Martin's search of Artefact Storage turns up an unusual Leitner.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Jonathan Sims
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52





	Leitner's Unpublished Spider-Man

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2016, Jonny Sims tweeted a list of ideas for TMA season 2 that included Leitner’s Unpublished Spider-Man (https://twitter.com/jonnywaistcoat/status/777828023085240320?lang=en). I obviously had to take this concept and put it back in its correct place in canon. Takes place shortly post MAG 46: Literary Heights.

“I found them!”

Martin threw open the door and bounded into the archives like an overexcited and possibly not housebroken puppy.

“Found what?” Jon asked, squinting at Martin suspiciously over the edge of his latest statement (John Vaillancourt, concerning his time working at a toy store in Barnet).

“W-well,” Martin said, “You were talking about Leitners in the bookselling industry after Mr. Knox’s statement, so I decided to check with Artefact Storage about what they knew, and it turns out we've actually gotten our hands on several? Some of them are a little volatile, but they said they’ve verified this one to be stable, so they gave it to me so we could cross-reference it against statements.”

“They did  _ what, _ ” Jon said, his mind filling with visions of Martin cheerfully dropping a Leitner in the middle of the Archives and consigning them all to an eternity of papery torment. 

“I was just trying to take initiative,” Martin said. “You know, help you get the place put back together after the whole worm incident.”

“That was your first mistake,” Jon muttered. He sighed. “What’s it about?”

“It’s in a baggie, I haven’t read it,” Martin said. “What, did you think I was going to pull out a genuine supernatural artefact in the middle of the break room?”

Jon hesitated.

“Oh  _ come on. _ You know Sasha’s always getting on our case about handling artefacts properly.”

Jon carefully placed his statement to the side. “Alright. Show it to me.”

Martin held up a ziploc bag. Jon stared at it. “Is that a comic book?”

“Yes!” Martin held it up. “The Unknowable Spider-Man, number forty-two. It says it ties into ‘The Impalpable Spider-Man’ and ‘Peter Parker, the Inscrutable Spider-Man,’ but the text is really cheaply printed. It honestly looks more like an old knock-off you’d buy at a charity shop than an eldritch book.”

Jon tried not to think about buying spider-themed books at charity shops, and failed. “What does it actually do? I’m sure it’s not in Artefact Storage on account of its  _ spooky _ number of copyright violations.”

“It comes with a card,” Martin said, frowning at a piece of cardstock taped to the front of the baggie. “It says that it, uh, has the tendency to produce spiders when read. And the spiders are radioactive.”

“You brought radioactive materials into the Archives? This place is supposed to be - to be climate controlled!”

“We just got invaded by killer worms! You honestly think we have a proper archiving set up anymore? And radioactivity has nothing to do with climate control.”

“Excuse me for not liking the idea of radioactive spiders in my office!” Jon said, throwing his hands in the air. “You should have brought them in two weeks ago as pest control for the worms!”

“Oh, come off it,” Martin said. “All the spiders can do is die from cellular decay. I guess you shouldn’t eat them, but they’re otherwise safe. It’s like uranium glass, you know?”

“Yes, I know uranium glass,” Jon said. “Fine. Go ahead and read it. Give the spiders little arachnid funerals if you want, just tell me what it’s about and what statement it’s associated with.”

“It’s actually all on the card,” Martin said. “No statement, though, so it might have just turned up on a regular research sweep? Artefact Storage does a really thorough job.”

“Then read the card!”

There was a pause. “Huh,” Martin said. “I’m not really sure what this adds to Spider-Man lore, as it were - really not what I associate the character with - “

“Martin,” Jon snapped. “It’s a cursed book written by a deranged man! Did you honestly expect Jurgen Leitner to have insightful opinions on Spider-Man?” 

Martin hesitated. Jon groaned. “Don’t answer that. Just - just give me the card. It’s probably nothing, but I suppose we should check.”

The card read:  _ The Unknowable Spider-Man #42. Primary effect is the generation of spiders of unknown species suffering from acute radiation poisoning when read. The plot of the comic concerns Peter Parker’s discovery that the true source of his spider powers is an entity that lies outside of reality and selects avatars to enact its plans on Earth. However, it is only one of several similar entities, each of which has its own avatars and role to play. _

“Well,” Jon said, “This is utterly irrelevant.”

**Author's Note:**

> I kid you not, this is a real plotline in the comics, though there isn't one single issue that corresponds to the Leitner issue: https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Spider-Totems


End file.
